Feeling quite optimistic, if a little vulnerable and scared lately. I think it's fair to say that for a while now I have been unhappy in my situation job-wise. I love the separate parts that make up my working life; receptionist, babysitter and student- but I just can't handle doing them all at once! A few weeks ago, I was offered a full time live-in nanny job in a seaside village about 15 minutes from my house. I turned it down because it was simply too much, with studying and mine and Warren's plans to move in together next year. They were offering an incredible amount of money (£380 p. week) and the six-bedroom bungalow next to this incredible house they are building on the seafront that they themselves are currently living in, rent-free. They have two children, one girl- Pheobe who is 13 years old and a boy- Rory who is 16 but has a very much younger mental age and has Wolf Hirschhorn Syndrome.
Since I turned down the job, they had asked me to babysit one night, so I went along and had a great time meeting the kids and getting to know them. Annie (the mother) then sent me a text asking again whether I would consider nannying for them, but maybe just on a part time basis in order to fit in with my studying. I'll be honest; at the moment I received that message, my heart sank. I had just earlier that week applied for some what I though were promising jobs in part time Reception work and had got myself into the mind set that I would stop babysitting altogether and begin working in that type of field. However, after much thought and a few sleepless nights, I decided that it may be a really good opportunity, so I asked to meet with her this weekend just gone. Annie then asked me whether I would perhaps like to take Rory out for the afternoon, to get to know him better and then we could have a chat afterwards. Needless to say, I jumped at the chance and took Rory to Woodbridge for the afternoon, a small local market town where we enjoyed a bit of christmas shopping, a nice biscuit in a cafe and a walk along the riverside. Soon, I could see just how sweet of a boy Rory is, and although he has his challenging ways (constantly asking questions, not having any concept of his own safety when out in the streets, needing my assistance in the toilet, etc) I had a very enjoyable afternoon!
When we returned to his house, after two hours of shopping and singing christmas carols over and over again in the car on the way home, I had that familiar glow of warmth that comes with taking care of a child and seeing their genuine excitement when they return home to their family, bursting to tell them what they had been up to. Pheobe took Rory for a bath, so I could chat with Annie and her husband Jim. They had a very interesting and reasonable proposal of 3 evenings a week (4-8), including for one stay-over and one day/evening on the weekend during term time. This seems absolutely perfect for me, as they were offering more than 3 times what I earn now, and it would allow me so much more time for studying and to generally do the things that I like to do. However, then they said that they would need much more support during the school holidays (13 weeks a year), and would like 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, but the whole weekend off. I nodded and agreed, but didn't realise until I got home and showed my parents that I would not be able to commit to that much work in the holidays, as I would still be studying for most of them. It's so irritating when you think of a really key question or query AFTER you have left the situation!
So, I will have to bring up that notion when I am next with them, which I expect will be over the christmas holidays. I am basically decided on the fact that I want to do it, but there are a few cons;
- Will I be able to fully meet Rory's needs?
- Will I get fed up of working with children eventually?
- Will my life just get solitary? Being at home on my own all day, then going to Annie's, maybe staying overnight, perhaps not getting to see my boyfriend all the time?
- Will I let them down?
These are all things that I have been churning around inside my head for two weeks now to the point where I can hardly bear to think of them anymore. I've hardly slept for thinking about it, and my head has not been in my studying at all. I feel as though I'm just going through the motions until I go and work there, but is it just because I've got it into my head that I will work for them? Am I being tempted because of the exceedingly good pay cheque? I think it will be MUCH easier when Warren and I live together, and I can be with him. But that could be 9-10 months away. Will I be able to cope that long? Do I sound like a complete and utter fool/damsel in distress/stupid woman?